next time
by sgrAyonderii
Summary: He feels chills when he remembers something he shouldn't. SSM 19, day 11: Chills


**Sasusaku Month 2019, Prompt 11: Chills**

**He feels chills when he remembers something he shouldn't.**

The sound of birds. The taste of chasu ramen. The sight of cherry blossoms. They aren't perfect memories, but he lives in a constant state of deja vu.

Whenever he encounters a reminder of his past life, chills run down his spine like flashes of lightning. He supposes it is equal parts blessing and equal parts curse that he remembers his life as Sasuke Uchiha.

He isn't sure why he, and he alone, remembers his past incarnation. However, he does know that Sasuke Uchiha lived a life full of regrets. Perhaps that karma bled over into his life now, a form of cruel punishment for all the wrongs he committed as another man in another time.

But perhaps, more likely, Sasuke Uchiha had wished more than anyone for a second chance.

* * *

In his first life, his brother murders his entire family.

It is a strange appendix to his otherwise warm recollections of his brother now. Because the brother he knows now is nothing like the calculating man he remembers.

Instead he grows up with a goofy brother who is more teasing than sinister. Who steals his snacks and jokes about silly things and blushes bright red when he sees the neighbor girl. In a way, he is glad that his brother gets a chance at a childhood without war.

But sometimes he still hates his brother. It a seething ancient anger that in no way makes sense in current context. Like those eternal black flames Itachi was famous for, Sasuke Uchiha's hatred burns steady.

* * *

He is not one bit surprised that Naruto finds a presence in his life again.

Unlike last time, they are no longer lost children starved for affection. And without the jealousy, the curse, the loneliness, they finally are able to grow up surrounded by the love they both always craved.

Even though there are no memories of other times, he knows that Sasuke and Naruto have been reincarnated many times, connected by an inescapable chain of fidelity. In a way, it is comforting to know that no matter which time or universe, his best friend will always be by his side.

* * *

But there is one person who haunts him more than others. Like a call from the abyss, he remembers a woman he kept waiting.

He cannot remember her face. Nor her voice. Or even her name.

But in the vast collection of nonsensical memories, he does remember her tears. After all, Sasuke Uchiha had made the woman he loves cry more than anyone.

He remembers that though their lives had been long, their time together had been so short.

Their life was one of separation and sacrifice after all. One where they spent more time apart than they ever had together.

For the greater good. For the child he never saw grow up and left behind. For his family, the only family he had left, to be safe.

But most of all, Sasuke Uchiha remembers himself as a man who must have never made her happy.

After all, hadn't he promised her countless times? Next time. Next time. Next time.

Next time, he would finally be home for good.

* * *

That promise eats away at him because that "next time" might never happen.

Even though when he feels chills he knows with certainty that the source must be from Sasuke Uchiha's time, reality does not always line up perfectly.

Indeed his brother slaughtered Sasuke Uchiha's family in his past life. His brother had committed so many grave crimes on misguided ideals, it would not have surprised him that Itachi would want to be reincarnated to atone.

But it was not Itachi that was reborn.

When he first lays eyes on his brother, he could not stop crying. First from fear but then from overwhelming sadness. Because when he feels the chills, instinctively he knows that it is Obito not Itachi staring down at him. So Sasuke Uchiha never gets a second chance with his beloved brother.

And even though Naruto is still Naruto and their souls will always be intertwined in a never-ending bond of brotherhood, this time Naruto is born a woman.

They are still best friends, Naruto still understands him better than anyone. But sometimes, he thinks that their past familiarity is no longer there.

It is an adjustment trying to consolidate the Naruto now with the Naruto from Sasuke Uchiha's memories. And sometimes he wonders if not for those chills, whether they would have even been friends in the first place.

* * *

Maybe like Naruto, she is in another form.

If that's the case, he simply has to continue to search for her. He just needs to wait patiently for their paths to cross. Because surely, surely they will meet again if he continues to hope.

He doesn't care who she is in this life, just that she is in his.

But perhaps more frighteningly like Itachi, she chose not to come back at all. That no regret of hers was worth being reborn for. That the pain of their past relationship was just too much to revisit.

* * *

He meets many people from Sasuke Uchiha's life.

Mentors. Friends. People he can barely remember. Caricatures of long dead warriors in new roles. But he does not meet her again.

At first, he waits. Next time is his mantra. Next time is his prayer. After all, waiting and pining and longing is a staple of their past.

A decade passes. And then another. The years march on and his heart begins to break.

He tries to love. He tries to forget. He tries to move on. But this woman he technically has never met, and maybe never will, has already fermented deep in his bones.

Because no matter how many times he is reborn, even hundreds of years later and millions of universes away, Sasuke Uchiha's soul (or is it his own?) continues yearns for her. And he just isn't sure if he can handle never seeing her again.

Sasuke Uchiha lived a life full of regrets. But he never regrets spending his life with her. Even if their time together was a transient bloom, it was no less precious. Like cherry blossoms wilting at the end of spring, it was beautiful while it lasted.

_Ah yes, that was her name. It was Sakura. _

Eventually he accepts that in this life, spring might not come.

Maybe next time.

* * *

He finds himself sitting alone in a hospital cafeteria waiting for his brother to finish his doctor's appointment. His dumbass of a brother had gotten a concussion messing around at a construction site while trying to impress the neighbor girl and their mother had insisted he be examined.

So on one of his precious free days, he is sitting alone in an uncomfortable chair at a sticky cafeteria table drinking horrible stale coffee while trying to finish his thesis. His bad mood wards off any potential occupants, and for that he is grateful.

That is until he hears the chair scrape across from him.

"Excuse me, but do you mind if I sit here?" the voice asks. Intending to tell this annoying voice to leave, he looks up.

_Chills._

And he can't help but think to himself that this time for sure he will to make her happy.

**A/N: Happy Sasusaku Month 2019 and thank you for reading! **


End file.
